Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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