omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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