don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
