Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
