They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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