If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
