I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
