You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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