I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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