Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
