garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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