Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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