He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
