Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
