Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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