That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
