dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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