The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
