finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
