i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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