i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
