Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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