woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
