Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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