Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
