I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM VODKA MAN
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
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