I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
