I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize