so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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