its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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