broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
