Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
