How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
