Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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