That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize