Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He better not be in your backpack
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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