You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize