Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
