Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
