In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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