oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she looked like the before picture.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
