Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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