Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
