I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
