I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
