We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
