I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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