To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
