somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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