Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
