So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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