He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
