Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We had sex on a dog bed..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize