It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
