I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize