that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
