I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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