And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
