Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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