the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize