im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
