And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
