What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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